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1-900-BEAVIS
Season 4, Episode 70
1900
Air date April 4, 1994
Episode guide
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Let's Clean it Up
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Water Safety

1-900-BEAVIS is the 9th episode in Season 4 of Beavis and Butt-Head. It is the overall 70th episode.

PlotEdit

The duo call a phone sex line (1-900-Lick) and later try to set up their own service.

CharactersEdit

LocationsEdit

TranscriptEdit

[We open to Beavis and Butt-Head watching what sounds like Wheel of Fortune. Butt-Head changes the channel. They come across an infomercial for hair removal.]

Announcer: Don't waste your life away watching TV! Call our free 800 number and get started in the exciting field of hair removal!

[Butt-Head changes the channel to another infomercial, this time for a law school.]

Announcer: Stuck in a dead end job? Why, when you could be earning top dollars as a valid court judge? Just call our toll-free number, and our well-trained instructors-

[Butt-Head changes the channel again, this time to a phone sex hotline. Beavis and Butt-Head's reactions shift almost instantly.]

Actress: Alone? Got something on your mind? Call me at 1-900-LICK. Just $9.99 a minute! What are you waiting for?

[The two then run over to the phone and dial the number. Just as quickly, the woman picks up on the other end.]

Actress: Hello? Hello~! I know you're there... [She giggles at their silence.]

Butt-Head: [He starts laughing with Beavis.] She said something. [They're eyes grow wider as they listen in on her.]

Actress: Hello~! Mmm, who's this?

Beavis: Don't tell her our real names!

Butt-Head: Uhh, I'm Beavis. And he's Butt-Head! [The actress laughs softly at their names, while Beavis and Butt-Head laugh with her.]

Actress: Would you like to know what I have on? Absolutely nothing! [We cut to the other end of the line to discover a very obese woman sitting with her son and husband, while watching TV.] I'm naked~! Are you there? Hello... [She giggles again.]

Butt-Head: Hey, Beavis. I think I just inoculated! [He starts laughing at this revelation.]

Actress: So, what do you want to talk about?

Butt-Head: Uhhh...

Actress: Don't be shy!

Butt-Head: Well, uhh.... Could you, like, put the phone on your butt? [The woman acts like this excites her, just to please Butt-Head's desire.]

Beavis: YEAH! YEAH, YEAH!!!

[The woman does what Butt-Head asks her to do, then starts eating a huge bucket of chicken.]

Butt-Head: Whoa! I can hear her butt!

Beavis: Yeah! Me too! [They start laughing.]

[Later on, the commercials comes on TV again.]

Actress' Son: Hey, mommy! It's your phone sex ad!

Actress: [Now with a very raspy tone in her voice] Hey! I warned you about that language! What's with this damn chair?! [She pulls the phone out from under her.] What's this?!

Beavis: HEY! HEY, HEY!! PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK, PUT THE PHONE BACK!!

Actress: You still there?! [She clears her throat to sound like she did before.] With the- ahem! W-with the money that you spend on phone sex, you oughta start your own 900 number!

Butt-Head: Cool!

Beavis: Yeah!

[The next day, we find the boys at Central Telephone, speaking with a representative.]

Phone Representative: I'm Jay Wyde Erman, your phone company representative. How can I help you?

Butt-Head: Uhh, we want to, like, get our own 900 number.

Phone Representative: Ahh, starting your own business! A piece of the American Dream! What type of line? Sports? Information?

Butt-Head: We want to meet chicks!

Beavis: Yeah! And score!

Phone Representative: [He starts writing down what they said.] Social Interaction. What's your current rate of income?

Butt-Head: Uhh, six?

Phone Representative: [He continues to write.] Under $15,000. Education?

Beavis: Umm, is that, like, school?

Phone Representative: We'll put down "3rd Grade". Now boys, this is very important. A 900 number is a bound of trust between customer and proprietor. You're asking people to call you and to pay for the privilege, because you're providing a valuable service. You do intend to provide a valuable service, don't you?

Beavis: [He and Butt-Head are laughing, not understanding a word he said.] No!

Phone Representative: That's what I like to hear! Congratulations, boys! You're on the gravy train! All you have to do is sign at the bottom and put today's date. [He hands them contracts to sign, but Beavis and Butt-Head don't understand what's happening. They begin to try signing the paperwork, while Beavis stares at Butt-Head's contract.]

Butt-Head: [He slaps Beavis away.] Keep your eyes on your own paper, Butt-Burglar!

Beavis: This is hard!

Butt-Head: Yeah. Getting a 900 number sucks! [He and Beavis start to leave.]

Phone Representative: Where you going?!

Butt-Head: We're going to get our phone sex the old fashioned way. [He and Beavis leave.]

Beavis: Yeah! Umm, what way's that?

Butt-Head: Uhh, we'll call from Stewart's place.

Beavis: Oh yeah!

[Later that night, we find that they did, in fact, call her again, as the phone is under her. She is seen sleeping with the TV stuck on a test pattern. We can also hear the boys laughing on the phone.]

Butt-Head: Hey, Beavis.

Beavis: What?

Butt-Head: If we got our own 900 number, it would be like working.

Beavis: Yeah, and that would suck!

Butt-Head: This is better. Hey, maybe we'll hear some butt wind.

Beavis: Yeah! That would be cool! [They continue to laugh on the other end of the phone.]

GalleryEdit

CensorshipEdit

  • The duo's lines, "She said something", "I think I just inoculated", and "Hey, maybe we'll hear some butt wind", are cut from "The Mike Judge Collection: Vol. 1" on DVD. It is uncensored on the TV and "Time-Life" DVD versions.

SourcesEdit



Episodes vte
Pilot Frog Baseball · Peace, Love & Understanding
Season 1 Give Blood · Door To Door · Sign Here · Balloon
Season 2 Scientific Stuff · Good Credit · Burger World · Baby Makes Uh, Three · Beware of the Butt · At The Sideshow · Customers Suck · Sick · Home Improvement · Way Down Mexico Way · Way Down Mexico Way Part 2 · At the Movies · No Laughing · No Laughing Part 2 · The Butt-head Experience · Lawn and Garden · Stewart's House · For Better or Verse · Bedpans & Broomsticks · Babes'R'Us · Yogurt's Cool · Heroes · Washing the Dog · Friday Night · Be All You Can Be
Season 3 Comedians · Carwash · Couch Fishing · Incognito · Kidnapped · Kidnapped Part 2 · Naked Colony · Tornado · Cleaning House · Scratch 'N' Win · Scared Straight · Eating Contest · Sporting Goods ·Sperm Bank · Buff 'N' Stuff · Citizen Butt-Head · Citizen Butt-Head Part 2 · Politically Correct · Ball Breakers · Meet God · Meet God Part 2 · True Crime · The Trial · The Crush · Plate Frisbee · Canoe · Young, Gifted & Crude · Foreign Exchange · A Very Special Christmas With Beavis and Butt-head · Closing Time
Season 4 Most Wanted · Wall of Youth · Cow Tipping · Trouble Urinating · Rabies Scare · They're Coming To Take Me Away, Huh Huh · Jump! · Pumping Iron · Let's Clean it Up · 1-900-BEAVIS · Water Safety · Blackout! · Late Night with Butt-head · The Final Judgement of Beavis · Pool Toys · Madame Blavatsky · Beavis and Butt-head's Island · Figure Drawing · Date Bait · Butt is it Art? · Right On · Manners Suck · The Pipe of Doom · Safe Driving · Mr. Anderson's Balls · Patients Patients · Teen Talk · Crisis Line · Beavis and Butt-head vs. the Vending Machine · Generation in Crisis · Radio Sweethearts · The Great Cornholio · Liar! Liar!
Season 5 Held Back · Killing Time · Beard Boys · Choke · Safe House · Hard Sell · Walkathon · Temporary Insanity · Dude, a Reward · Walking Erect · Career Day · Plastic Surgin · Take a Number · Beaverly Buttbillies · Tainted Meat · Stewart Moves Away · Top O' The Mountain · Party · Wet Behind the Rears · Bad Dog · Lightning Strikes · Dream On · Candy Sale · Animation Sucks · What's the Deal? · The History of Women · To the Rescue · I Dream of Beavis · Pregnant Pause · Here Comes the Bride's Butt · Screamers · Beavis, Can You Spare a Dime? · Skin Trade · Oil Change · Buttniks · Bang the Drum Slowly, Dumbass · Another Friday Night · Tired · Close Encounters · Womyn · Premature Evacuation · Whiplash · Spare Me · Patsies · Murder Site · Spanish Fly · Sexual Harassment · Bus Trip · Green Thumbs · Steamroller
Season 6 Bungholio: The Lord of Harvest (Butt-O-Ween) · The Mystery of Morning Wood · U.S. History · Feel A Cop · Date Watchers · Blood Pressure · Huh Huh Humbug · It's a Miserable Life · Babysitting · Vidiots · Stewart Is Missing · Gang Of Two · Sprout · Prank Call · No Service · Yard Sale · P.T.A. · Substitute · Shopping List · Buy Beer
Season 7 Butt, Butt, Hike! · Vaya Con Cornholio · Evolution Sucks · Ding Dong Ditch · Just For Girls · A Very Special Episode · Dumbasses Anonymous · Underwear · Head Lice · Cyber-Butt · Nosebleed · Citizens Arrest · Pierced · A Great Day · On Strike · Follow Me · Nothing Happening · Take A Lap · Shortcuts · Bride of Butt-head · Special Delivery · Woodshop · TV Violence · Canned · Garage Band · Impotence · The Miracle That Is Beavis · Shopping Cart · Inventors · Die Fly, Die! · Drinking Butt-ies · Work Is Death · Breakdown · Graduation Day · The Future of Beavis and Butt-head · Speech Therapy · Leave It to Beavis · Butt Flambé · Our Founding Losers · Beavis and Butt-head Do Thanksgiving · Beavis and Butt-Head Are Dead
Season 8 Werewolves of Highland · Crying · Daughter's Hand · Tech Support · Holy Cornholio · Drones · Supersize Me · Bathroom Break · The Rat · Spill · Doomsday · Dumb Design · Copy Machine · Holding · Used Car · Bounty Hunters · Time Machine · Massage · School Test · Snitchers · Whorehouse · Going Down
See also: Episode List

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