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Bang the Drum Slowly, Dumbass
Season 5, Episode 155
Episode guide
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Buttniks
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Another Friday Night

Bang the Drum Slowly, Dumbass is the 155th episode in season 5 in Beavis and Butthead.

PlotEdit

In the woods, the duo saw Mr. Van Driessen and his group for a session by hitting a drum about what they thought about themselves, Beavis however, takes it the wrong way, and that causes them to leave, due to Beavis's loud, nonsensual behavior. At school, Van Driessen asks Butt-head to where Beavis is at. Yet, he is still in the woods, alone.

Transcript Edit

[We open with Beavis and Butt-Head, who are apparently lost in the woods.]

Beavis: Hey, Butt-Head. I think we're lost.

Butt-Head: Cool! Maybe we'll be on the news.

Beavis: Hey, what the hell is that?! [He and Butt-Head follow the sound of banging drums. Soon enough, they discover Mr. Van Driessen and other hippies playing with a drum. They start laughing.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Beavis! Butt-Head! What a happy coincidence! We were just rapping about the needs to recruit new members for our Men's Group. Would you like to join us?

Butt-Head: Uhh, no thanks.

Beavis: Yeah, really. We're not gonna join a group, unless there's like, chicks in it and stuff!

Hippie #1: Come on, guys! It's a really super way to express your masculinity in a nurturing, all-male environment!

Hippie #2: With no women around, we're free to be ourselves without seeming sexist or offensive.

Hippie #3: And we left off some steam to avoid channeling our anger towards women into greed, destructiveness, or other male problem areas.

Mr. Van Driessen: And that's important, especially today, as we men wrestle with our manhood.

Butt-Head: Beavis wrestles with his manhood.

Beavis: Yeah! I usually win!

Mr. Van Driessen: That's ok, because we all must fight our own demons. That's why these monthly drum-banging sessions are so-

Beavis: Wait, you can bang a drum?!

Mr. Van Driessen: Sure!

Beavis: COOL!! [He and Butt-Head go over to the group of men.

Hippie #2: Hi, I'm Gary.

Hippie #3: Hi, Keith.

Hippie: #1: Hi, Phil. Nice to meet you!

Beavis: Hi, I'm Beavis!

[As they get settled in, Mr. Van Driessen is seen putting out a powerful beat on the drum. Butt-Head doesn't seem interested.]

Butt-Head: Uhh, this sucks.

Mr. Van Driessen: Actually, it can be quite therapeutic, Butt-Head. Here, why don't you take some of that aggression out on the drum?

Keith: And let loose with your inner-most thoughts!

Butt-Head: [He starts making a slow and very unconvincing beat.] Uhh, this sucks? Uhh... This sucks! A bunch of dumbass wussies hitting a stupid drum! [He finishes his "session" early.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Umm, good, Butt-Head! You tapped into some genuine emotions there, and I think we can all relate to what you're saying.

Butt-Head: Uhh... You can??

Gary: Sure we can!

Keith: It really doesn't suck that you had the courage to say "this sucks"!

Phil: We're hearing you loud and clear, brother!

Butt-Head: ...THAT SUCKS!

Mr. Van Driessen: [He takes the drum from him and gives it Beavis.] Ok, now it's your turn, Beavis. Really try to get in touch with your inner-male.

Beavis: NO WAY!! Not with a bunch of dudes watching!

Mr. Van Driessen: Don't be shy! Just hit the drum and say what's on your mind!

Beavis: Umm, ok... I guess... [He hits it once.] Whoa!! That was cool! [He starts laughing as he hits it more, and then he starts laughing in tandem with the beat, and starts beating it faster and faster.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Ok, Beavis! Now let that wild man within put his feelings into words!

Phil: We're with you, brother!

Beavis: IT'S LIKE I WANNA SEE CHICKS' THINGIES!! I JUST WANNA SEE THEIR THINGIES, BUT THEY WON'T LET ME, AND THAT MAKES ME WANNA CHECK THEM OUT EVEN MORE!!

Gary: We feel your male pain!

Beavis: I FEEL LIKE I'M NEVER GONNA SCORE, AND CHICKS DON'T WANNA TALK TO ME! IT'S LIKE, I GO UP AND SAY "HEY, BABY, HOW'S IT GOING?" AND THEN THEY JUST GO AWAY, OR THEY JUST SLAP ME!!

Phil: I can relate to that... I guess?

Beavis: AND SOMETIMES, I JUST WANNA GET A BIG BULLDOZER AND BULLDOZE THE WALL TO THE GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM, SO THAT WAY I CAN SEE THEIR BOOBS!!!

Butt-Head: That would be cool!

Beavis: CAUSE I KNOW THEY'RE NAKED INSIDE THERE AND I JUST CAN'T STAND IT!!!

[Mr. Van Driessen and the group all start looking at each other, realizing that this might've been a mistake to give Beavis the drum.]

Beavis: AND THEN WHEN I DESTROY THE WALL TO THE GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM, I'M GONNA DESTROY THE CAFETERIA TOO, AND THEN THE LIBRARY, AND I'LL DESTROY ALL THE BOOKS, AND THEN I'LL GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, AND DESTROY THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE TOO!!!

Gary: [He leans over to Phil and whispers.] I think someone's "inner-warrior" needs to go back to basic training.

Mr. Van Driessen: [He tries to take the drum from Beavis.] Maybe you need professional help, Beavis? [Beavis slaps his hands away as he continues his crazed rant.]

Keith: Somebody take that damn drum away from him!!

Gary: What the hell are you teaching these kids in your class, anyway?!

Phil: You know, the guys at the gym were right, you ARE a panty-waist!

Keith: And you said this was a way to recapture the spirit of Woodstock?! WOODSTOCK, MY ASS!!

Mr. Van Driessen: Wait a minute, guys! [He chases after the men as they leave Beavis and Butt-Head behind, with Beavis still ranting.]

Beavis: AND I'LL NEVER SEE A CHICK NAKED, EVER!!! AND THAT WILL SUCK!!! THIS SUCKS!!!

Butt-Head: Yeah! This sucks! [He leaves, while Beavis continues ranting and pounding on the drum.]

[The next day at school, Beavis has not shown up during roll call.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Butt-Head, where's Beavis?

Butt-Head: Uhh, I don't know.

[Meanwhile, back in the woods, we find Beavis still pounding on the drum and his rant is still going!]

Beavis: Then, I get a crane with a wrecking ball, and a bulldoze, but it was really a shovel... What was I saying? Oh, and a backhoe, and a forklift! A front-end motor, and a combine! Uhh... Oh yeah, and a getaway car, and some rubber! Only then, will I score! [He finally stops pounding the drum.] And that's about it... oh yeah, and boobs! [He hits the drum one last time, then puts it aside.] Your turn, Butt-Head. ...Uhh, Butt-Head? [He rubs his blood-shot eyes and looks around.] BUTT-HEAD!!! IT'S YOUR TURN, COME ON!!! [He then realizes he's all alone in the woods now.] Umm... Uh oh...

TriviaEdit

  • 103rd time Principal McVicker doesn't appear


Episodes vte
Pilot Frog Baseball · Peace, Love & Understanding
Season 1 Give Blood · Door To Door · Sign Here · Balloon
Season 2 Scientific Stuff · Good Credit · Burger World · Baby Makes Uh, Three · Beware of the Butt · At The Sideshow · Customers Suck · Sick · Home Improvement · Way Down Mexico Way · Way Down Mexico Way Part 2 · At the Movies · No Laughing · No Laughing Part 2 · The Butt-head Experience · Lawn and Garden · Stewart's House · For Better or Verse · Bedpans & Broomsticks · Babes'R'Us · Yogurt's Cool · Heroes · Washing the Dog · Friday Night · Be All You Can Be
Season 3 Comedians · Carwash · Couch Fishing · Incognito · Kidnapped · Kidnapped Part 2 · Naked Colony · Tornado · Cleaning House · Scratch 'N' Win · Scared Straight · Eating Contest · Sporting Goods ·Sperm Bank · Buff 'N' Stuff · Citizen Butt-Head · Citizen Butt-Head Part 2 · Politically Correct · Ball Breakers · Meet God · Meet God Part 2 · True Crime · The Trial · The Crush · Plate Frisbee · Canoe · Young, Gifted & Crude · Foreign Exchange · A Very Special Christmas With Beavis and Butt-head · Closing Time
Season 4 Most Wanted · Wall of Youth · Cow Tipping · Trouble Urinating · Rabies Scare · They're Coming To Take Me Away, Huh Huh · Jump! · Pumping Iron · Let's Clean it Up · 1-900-BEAVIS · Water Safety · Blackout! · Late Night with Butt-head · The Final Judgement of Beavis · Pool Toys · Madame Blavatsky · Beavis and Butt-head's Island · Figure Drawing · Date Bait · Butt is it Art? · Right On · Manners Suck · The Pipe of Doom · Safe Driving · Mr. Anderson's Balls · Patients Patients · Teen Talk · Crisis Line · Beavis and Butt-head vs. the Vending Machine · Generation in Crisis · Radio Sweethearts · The Great Cornholio · Liar! Liar!
Season 5 Held Back · Killing Time · Beard Boys · Choke · Safe House · Hard Sell · Walkathon · Temporary Insanity · Dude, a Reward · Walking Erect · Career Day · Plastic Surgin · Take a Number · Beaverly Buttbillies · Tainted Meat · Stewart Moves Away · Top O' The Mountain · Party · Wet Behind the Rears · Bad Dog · Lightning Strikes · Dream On · Candy Sale · Animation Sucks · What's the Deal? · The History of Women · To the Rescue · I Dream of Beavis · Pregnant Pause · Here Comes the Bride's Butt · Screamers · Beavis, Can You Spare a Dime? · Skin Trade · Oil Change · Buttniks · Bang the Drum Slowly, Dumbass · Another Friday Night · Tired · Close Encounters · Womyn · Premature Evacuation · Whiplash · Spare Me · Patsies · Murder Site · Spanish Fly · Sexual Harassment · Bus Trip · Green Thumbs · Steamroller
Season 6 Bungholio: The Lord of Harvest (Butt-O-Ween) · The Mystery of Morning Wood · U.S. History · Feel A Cop · Date Watchers · Blood Pressure · Huh Huh Humbug · It's a Miserable Life · Babysitting · Vidiots · Stewart Is Missing · Gang Of Two · Sprout · Prank Call · No Service · Yard Sale · P.T.A. · Substitute · Shopping List · Buy Beer
Season 7 Butt, Butt, Hike! · Vaya Con Cornholio · Evolution Sucks · Ding Dong Ditch · Just For Girls · A Very Special Episode · Dumbasses Anonymous · Underwear · Head Lice · Cyber-Butt · Nosebleed · Citizens Arrest · Pierced · A Great Day · On Strike · Follow Me · Nothing Happening · Take A Lap · Shortcuts · Bride of Butt-head · Special Delivery · Woodshop · TV Violence · Canned · Garage Band · Impotence · The Miracle That Is Beavis · Shopping Cart · Inventors · Die Fly, Die! · Drinking Butt-ies · Work Is Death · Breakdown · Graduation Day · The Future of Beavis and Butt-head · Speech Therapy · Leave It to Beavis · Butt Flambé · Our Founding Losers · Beavis and Butt-head Do Thanksgiving · Beavis and Butt-Head Are Dead
Season 8 Werewolves of Highland · Crying · Daughter's Hand · Tech Support · Holy Cornholio · Drones · Supersize Me · Bathroom Break · The Rat · Spill · Doomsday · Dumb Design · Copy Machine · Holding · Used Car · Bounty Hunters · Time Machine · Massage · School Test · Snitchers · Whorehouse · Going Down
See also: Episode List

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