[We open to see Beavis and Butt-Head in class, with Mr. Candy at the head of the classroom.]
Mr. Candy: My name is Mr. Candy. My, what a nice looking group of students! Who can tell me what I'm holding in my hand? [He shows everyone a candy bar.]
Butt-Head: Uhh, your nads?
Mr. Candy: No, my right hand.
Female Student: Is it a candy bar?
Mr. Candy: It's more than just a candy bar, it's the future of your school! Now, who'd like a candy bar? [The students react slightly.] Who would like a hundred candy bars?? [They react even greater now.] Because, I have them right here! And I'm planning on giving them to you! But there's a catch. I'm not giving them to you to eat. I'm giving them to you to sell! Selling candy is a fun way to help yourselves and the school!
Coach Buzzcut: Alright, class, listen up! Remember, you're competing against other classes! And I'll be damned if my class is going to lose!
Mr. Candy: Now, our candy bars are designed with your school's name on the wrapper, and they're priced efficiently at $2.00 each! Heck, they practically sell themselves! Now, what if I told you that the richest man- [He's abruptly interrupted by Beavis and Butt-Head.]
Butt-Head: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! BLEH BLEH, BLUUUUH BLEH!
Beavis: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, HECK THEY PRACTICALLY SELL THEMSELVES!
Mr. Candy: Well! You two seem to be real "know-it-alls"! Why don't you tell me what you're going to say when a customer says "no."
Butt-Head: Uhh, I'd say "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, BLUUUUUH BLEH!"
Beavis: BLAAAAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHEN A CUSTOMER SAYS "HEY, YOU SEEM TO KNOW IT ALL!" BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Mr. Candy: Well, I'd wish you luck, but it seems we're out of time.
[Later on after school, they begin selling candy to the neighborhood. They start with Tom Anderson.]
Tom Anderson: Yeah?
Butt-Head: Uhh, we're, like, selling candy.
Beavis: Yeah. Our school sucks.
Tom Anderson: What in the hell kind of sales approach is that? You boys couldn't sell a dollar for fifty cents!
Butt-Head: Uhh, they're $2.00, sir.
Beavis: Yeah, don't try to rip us off, butt-munch!
Tom Anderson: [He looks in his wallet.] Hmm, well I only got $2.00.
Butt-Head: Buy one from me! [He pushes Beavis out of the way, which starts a fight between them.]
Beavis: No way! Buy one from me!
Butt-Head: I'll, like, sell mine for half price!
Tom Anderson: Half price! Well, now you're talking! Here, let me buy one from each of you. Now, if you boys work on your sales approach, I'm sure your school can't afford to lose money.
[They continue their journey to sell candy.]
Beavis: Selling candy sucks!
Butt-Head: Yeah. Hey, Beavis. I'll buy one of your candy bars for a dollar.
Beavis: No way! They're $2.00!
Butt-Head: Uhh, then can you, like, loan me a dollar?
Beavis: No way! Cause then you'll have, like, $2.00, and I'll, like, have none!
Butt-Head: Come on, Beavis! I'll buy one from you, that way you'll sell a candy bar, plus you'll have $2.00.
Beavis: Uhh, ok. [He gives Butt-Head his dollar, then Butt-Head buys a candy bar from him. Then they sit down on the sidewalk.] Come on, Butt-Head! Give me some!
Butt-Head: No way! [He eats his candy bar.] I'll sell you one for $2.00.
Beavis: Ok. [He buys a candy bar from Butt-Head.]
[Later on, we find the two still sitting on the sidewalk, eating all their candy bars.]
Butt-Head: This town sucks! Nobody's gonna buy our candy.
Beavis: Hey, Butt-Head. You should try the one with the peanuts in it. It's pretty good.
Butt-Head: Oh yeah? [He buys another candy bar from Beavis.]
[Later on, the two are back at their home, eating the rest of their candy bars while watching TV.]
Butt-Head: Hey, Beavis. Want to buy a candy bar from me?
Beavis: Ok. [He buys another candy bar from Butt-Head.] You wanna buy one from me?
Butt-Head: Ok. [He buys another candy bar from Beavis.] Selling candy is pretty cool!
[The next day, we see the students giving their money to Mr. Candy.]
Mr. Candy: Excellent job, class!
Beavis: Hey, Butt-Head. You remember that dollar I, like, borrowed to you?
Butt-Head: Uhh, yeah. I remember.
Beavis: Yeah, umm, I kinda want it back.
[Soon enough, they meet up with Mr. Candy.]
Mr. Candy: Well, boys, let's see, the big sellers. How'd you do?
Butt-Head: We sold them all, dude!
Beavis: Yeah, we like, sold every last one of them.
Mr. Candy: Well, maybe there's hope for you yet. [He reaches out to Beavis for the money.]
Beavis: Ahh! Don't touch me, ass-wipe!
Mr. Candy: So, where's the money?
Butt-Head: Uhh, here you go, dude. [Beavis and Butt-Head hand him the $2.00.]
Mr. Candy: That's it?! There had better be a HELL of a lot more money than that, boys!
Butt-Head: Nope. That's it, dude. $2.00.
Beavis: Yeah, you can count the pennies.
Mr. Candy: I don't believe you. I want you to give me everything you have in your pocket!
Butt-Head: Hey, Beavis! He wants what's in your pocket! [He starts laughing.]
Beavis: Yeah! He's a pocket fisherman!
Mr. Candy: Oh, no! You're not gonna pull that one on me again! It took me six months to get another job! Now give me the rest of the money, you little twerp!! [He grabs Beavis by his shirt.]
Beavis: AHHH!!! HE'S TRYING TO TOUCH MY WEINER! LET GO, PERVERT!
Butt-Head: Kick him in the nads, Beavis!
Mr. Candy: You too, you little- [Suddenly, the sound of Coach Buzzcut entering the room is heard.]
Coach Buzzcut: What the hell are you doing?! This is my class! I do the ass-kicking around here! [He jumps between Mr. Candy and Beavis to separate them.]
Mr. Candy: Wait your turn, Jarhead! [He slaps Coach Buzzcut, which really pisses him off now.]
Coach Buzzcut: [He turns red with fury.] YOU JUST MADE A FATAL MISTAKE, MR. CANDY-ASS! I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT!
Mr. Candy: Oh, you're going down, soldier boy! [He tries to punch Coach Buzzcut, but Buzzcut proceeds to kick Mr. Candy in the face repeatedly.]
Mr. Candy: [He's in pain and pleading to stop] You're hurting me! OUCH!!!
Beavis: Yeah!! KICK HIM! KICK HIM!
Butt-Head: KICK HIM IN THE BUTT!!
Beavis: KICK HIM IN THE NADS!! [They both laugh as Buzzcut kicks Mr. Candy's ass.]