|Season 7, Episode 29|
Die Fly, Die!
Beavis and Butt-head invented the Butt-Scratcher 2000 after watching infomercials and hearing how inventors are making millions for this. Butt-Head sees Anderson using a back-scratcher and sees Beavis scratching his butt--and inspiration strikes. He then ravages through the closet to find a wire hanger and unravels it to create this device. Our "zeroes" begin doing door-to-door trying to sell it, to no avail.
[Beavis and Butt-Head are seen watching TV, when an ad for a patent company comes on]
TV Spokesperson: Doesn't it seem like everything you could ever imagine has already been invented? Like there's absolutely nothing new out there! Well, the truth is someone out there is going to invent the next big thing.
Butt-Head: [He starts laughing] "Big thing".
Beavis: [He laughs as well] Bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ing!!
TV Spokesperson: Do you have an idea for an invention? Something new that fills a need?
Butt-Head: Uhh, no.
TV Spokesperson: If you do, call 555-INVENT, for help patenting and marketing your idea. Whatever it is, don't be afraid that it's quote "too stupid to succeed". So go ahead and call! The fresh new idea you have could be your ticket to millions of dollars!
Butt-Head: Whoa! Millions of dollars?! That's cool!
Beavis: Yeah! Money! MONEY!!
[Sometime later, Beavis and Butt-Head are trying to figure what they can invent, even though they've been sitting on the couch for a while now.]
Beavis: Come on, Butt-Head! Hurry up! Invent something! [Butt-Head then slaps him] OW!!
Butt-Head: Shut up, Beavis, YOU invent something, and it better make us millions of dollars, or I'll kick your ass!
Beavis: Ok, umm, let's see. [He mutters under his breath for a moment as he tries to think.] Umm, this is hard!
Butt-Head: Uhh, I think he said we're supposed to, like, invent something that fills a need, or something.
Beavis: Umm, we NEED to score.
Butt-Head: Yeah, but we've, like, tried everything. Uhh, let's see, what do we need?
[For a moment, they look around their house for something they need, but to no avail.]
Butt-Head: Uhh, I guess we have everything we need right here.
Beavis: Maybe there's something we can invent outside.
[Soon after, they're walking around the neighborhood and come across a man chopping wood.]
Beavis: Umm, heh, I know! Let's invent a tree!
Butt-Head: Beavis! [He gets ready to smack Beavis.]
Beavis: See, we could build one out of lumbers and two-by-fours and stuff, then we could, like, tape some leaves- [Butt-Head finally smacks him] OW!! See that way, anyone who needs wood, but doesn't want to cut down his own tree, can just, like, buy our tree and cut it down, then he- [Butt-Head smacks him again] OWWW!!!
Butt-Head: Why wouldn't he just go cut down his neighbor's tree, dumbass?! Now, quit wasting time! We need to come up with a real money making invention.
[They continue walking until they stop at Tom Anderson's house. He begins to scratch his back with a back-scratcher. Beavis then begins to scratch his butt, which catches Butt-Head's attention, and after about ten seconds of contemplation, Butt-Head has an idea!]
Butt-Head: Whoa! Beavis, I have just seen the next big thing that will save all mankind.
Beavis: Uhh, what?
Butt-Head: We're going to be rich!
[Back at their house, Butt-Head is seen with a wire clothes hanger.]
Beavis: Come on, Butt-Head, hurry up! What's your invention?
[Butt-Head then begins to twist the clothes hanger around in different shapes, some rather bizarre to his and Beavis' imaginations, until Butt-Head's invention is finally finished.]
Butt-Head: Beavis, say hello to the Butt-Scratcher 2000!
Beavis: Whoa! Does it really work?! Cause I can use one of those!
Butt-Head: It's not for you, dumbass! If we're going to get rich, we need some other dumbass to buy it.
Beavis: Oh, yeah. Maybe after we get rich, I'll buy one.
[Later, we find Beavis and Butt-Head going door-to-door with their invention, starting with Tom Anderson.]
Butt-Head: Sir, what if I told you I had an invention that could change your whole life? Something that could put a smile on your butt.
Beavis: Yeah, you know, just because you can't see your bunghole doesn't mean you should ignore it.
Tom Anderson: Dammit, boy! That ain't nothin' but a wire hanger!
Butt-Head: Uhh, it's the Butt-Scratcher 2000, ass-munch! [Tom slams the door in their faces]
[Later, at the Maxi-Mart]
Maxi-Mart Owner: Five bucks for a hanger? How stupid do you think I am?!
Butt-Head: Uhh, well, let me ask you this: do you think your butt is stupid?
[Later, at Clark Cobb's house]
Clark Cobb: Boys, that's just a wire hanger. You know it, I know it, and the Lord knows it!
[Later, at Mr. VanDrissen's house]
Mr. VanDrissen: [He sighs, as if this was a joke] Very funny, guys. Now, please leave me alone, okay?
[And finally, back at Tom Anderson's house]
Butt-Head: Let me ask you a question, sir. Is your butt important to you?
Tom Anderson: [He snaps, grabs their invention and starts beating them it] What?! Dammit!! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, YOU DAMN SON OF A BITCHES!! DAMMIT!! GIT!! [He chases them off. Beavis and Butt-Head decide to go home.]
Beavis: So, like, uhh, what do we now?
Butt-Head: Uhh, I don't know. Let's just, like, go watch TV and let some other dumbass come up with the next big thing.
Beavis: Yeah. Dammit! Let somebody else do something for a change! I'm sick and tired of having please everybody!
[Back at their home, they're seen watching TV again.]
Butt-Head: Whatever the next big thing is, it better not suck!
Beavis: Yeah, really.
[Suddenly, a commercial with porn style music comes on]
Beavis: WHOA!! CHECK IT OUT, BUTT-HEAD!! IT'S THE DESIGNER IMPOSTERS BODY SPRAY COMMERCIAL!!
Butt-Head: Whoa! Hey, Beavis. I think I know what the next big thing is. It's in my pants! [He starts laughing.]
Beavis: Oh, yeah! B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ing!! [He starts laughing with Butt-Head]
- This is the last appearance of Tom Anderson until "Daughter's Hand" 14 years later. It is also the last appearance of Clark Cobb until "Whorehouse" 14 years later.
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