[We open at Burger World, where we find the manager counting the money in the cash register, along with Beavis and Butt-Head, who try to interrupt him while he's counting.]
Burger World Manager: 50, 60, 65, 70-
Burger World Manager: Shut up! 75, 80-
Beavis: 25 cents!
Butt-Head: Uhhh, 69!
Beavis: "Number Two"!
Burger World Manager: 83, 84 - SHUT UP!!! 85, 86...
Beavis: O! ONE! ONE!!!
[The manager finally finishes adding up the money and pulls out a receipt.]
Burger World Manager: It's still short, fellas.
Butt-Head: Uhh, better count it again, sir.
Beavis: Yeah, you didn't get the pennies.
Burger World Manager: No way, guys! We're still missing money.
Beavis: [He starts to become frantic for no reason.] I DIDN'T DO IT!! I DIDN'T DO IT!! It was, like, a foreigner.
Butt-Head: Yeah. [They start laughing at Beavis' comment.]
[Soon after, they're sent to an optometrist for a polygraph test. Inside, Beavis continues to act frantic.]
Beavis: I didn't do it! It was a foreigner!
Butt-Head: What are you doing?
practicing. [He pauses for a moment, not knowing why they're there in
the first place.] Hey, Butt-Head. What are they gonna do to us?
Butt-Head: Uhh, I think they're gonna, like, give us one of those polygrip tests, or something.
Beavis: Oh yeah! That stuff is pretty cool. I found some of that stuff at Anderson's house, and it's like, I put it on my teeth, and I was going like... [He starts making a face, simulating his teeth getting stuck together.]
Butt-Head: No, dumbass! It's, like, this lie-detector test.
Beavis: I DIDN'T DO IT!!
Butt-Head: Shut up, Beavis! Hey, check this out. When you're taking the lie detector test, just, like, hold your breath.
[Beavis begins to do so, which causes Butt-Head to slap him.]
Butt-Head: Not now, dumbass!
Beavis: Oh, sorry, Butt-Head. I was just, like, practicing and stuff.
Butt-Head: Beavis, you suck as a liar.
Beavis: "LIAR!" "LIAR!" [He starts to sing.] LIAR - LIAR - PANTS ON... [But he stops for obvious reasons...]
Optometrists's Assistant: Head? Butt-Head?
Butt-Head: Uhh, yeah?
Optometrists's Assistant: Mr. O'Brien will you see now.
[Butt-Head goes into the office to begin his polygraph test, leaving Beavis behind.]
Beavis: I DIDN'T DO IT!!
[Inside the office, we find Butt-Head wired with electrodes hooked to the polygraph machine.]
Mr. O'Brien: Alright, now I'm going to ask you a series of questions. Failing to be truthful in your responses will be interpreted as an acknowledgement of guilt. Do you understand?
Butt-Head: Uhh, yeah. [The polygraph machine indicates he is lying about understanding.] I mean, no. [The polygraph now confirms he doesn't understand at all.]
Mr. O'Brien: Just tell the truth and you'll have nothing to worry about. Let's begin. [He turns on the machine's printer, and Butt-Head takes a very deep breath, then holds it.] Ok, please tell me your name.
Butt-Head: "Butt-Head". [The polygraph confirms he's told the truth.]
Mr. O'Brien: Ok, good. Now can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?
Butt-Head: Uhh, four? [The polygraph confirms he's correct, however...]
Mr. O'Brien: Well, it's three, actually, but since you thought it was four, you didn't really lie, so that's good! Now, Butt-Head, tell me. In all of your life, have you ever stolen anything?
[Because Butt-Head has been holding his breath for so long, he's causing the machine to malfuncition. Meanwhile, Beavis continues to assume his "innocence" in the waiting room.]
Beavis: I DIDN'T DO IT, BUNGHOLE!!
[Back in the office, Butt-Head's beginning to turn purple from holding his breath, and the machine begins to break down.]
Mr. O'Brien: I'll repeat the question. Have you ever stolen anything?
Butt-Head: Uhh... Uhh... [He finally passes out from lack of oxygen, and the machine pops a fuse and breaks down finally.]
[Outside, Beavis continues his "pleas", finally confirming that...]
Beavis: BUTT-HEAD DID IT!!
Optometrist's Assistant: Beavis? Mr. O'Brien will see you now.
[Once inside, Beavis is getting the electrodes attached to his head, his arms, and his hair for some odd reason.]
Beavis: Are you gonna put one on my nads?
Mr. O'Brien: Julie, I'm not getting a reading here. Could you check those connections for me? [His assistant goes to do so.]
Beavis: Because, uhh, you can if you want to. You know, put them on my nads.
Mr. O'Brien: Good! Well, young man, I'd like to get a base reading here. Could you say something for me, please?
Beavis: Umm, ok.
Mr. O'Brien: Just say anything. Anything at all, the first thing that comes to mind.
Beavis: Umm, I killed a bunch of people once! [Because the polygraph was broken by Butt-Head, his comment was falsely confirmed as being the truth. Beavis then starts holding his breath, and the machine malfuncitions even more!]
[Later that day, Butt-Head is watching the news at home, when a special report begins to air about Beavis getting arrested for a crime that has now been pinned on him.]
Newscaster: Authorities are saying that tonight, they have finally found the killer in the infamous "Inna Gadda Da Vida" slaying some 35 years ago. Police say this boy- [A mugshot of Beavis now appears] -is the so-called "Hippie Ripper" who, in 1969, killed 15 hippies who were sleeping in a van outside of Highland.
Butt-Head: [He laughs.] "69"! [He drinks from his Mega Gulp cup.]
Newscaster: When asked how a teenage boy committed a crime that happened almost two decades ago, a police spokesman said, quote: "He's very clever."
Butt-Head: Get a haircut, hippie!